Michelle closed her eyes, put her head back and steadied her breathing, muscles still twitching from the flood of adrenalin. The sound of Mei’s gentle weeping next to her provided a soft countermelody to the rhythms of her breathing and heartbeat. The MP outside the door left them undisturbed. Michelle reached over and grasped Mei’s hand. 

After a few more deep breaths slowing her heart, Michelle opened her eyes and looked around. They were detained in an office that doubled as a break room – an old metal desk with a hardwired computer, a display, a coffeemaker, scattered mugs, the ragged couch on which Michelle reclined, the overstuffed chair next to it Mei sat on. Outside the door, the guard glanced in to check on them.

She pondered the tangle of relationships just revealed in the confrontation with the Bilyk woman, the danger she was in, and by extension, Bina. She had a clear view of the mortal threat presented by Bilyk’s lethal determination. 

She berated herself for her impulsive attempt to take control with the gun. She trusted her intuition of imminent danger but there had to be more. Bilyk seemed honestly invested in Bina’s well-being, and her deft deflection of Michelle’s threat of violence was proof she was far more adept at handling danger and violence than Michelle was. Bina and Michelle’s close involvement with “the Entity” was a complication that put them both at risk, that also was clear. Rescuing Bina was still the top priority, and these people were obviously far better situated to make that happen. But after that, Michelle still needed to figure out a way to disappear once more and leave all this behind forever.

She looked over at Mei and felt a twinge of sympathy. There was also whatever was going on with the two young women that surprised both Michelle and Christine Bilyk, precipitating the crisis. She gave her hand a squeeze.

“Mei, you’ve been lying to me.”

Mei looked up, eyes puffy and red, cheeks wet. “No, I haven’t. I just didn’t tell you everything.”

“Same thing. What’s going on with that girl and you?”

Mei looked at her, stricken.

“Would you have killed her?” she asked, voice quavering.

“I…I had to do something to get the Bilyk woman’s attention. She made some decision, that something had to be done, something hard. She figured out you and the other woman knew each other, somehow linked it to me, and saw all of us in that moment as a threat. I had to stop her. Who is she?”

“Her name is Sahar. She works with, for, Christine Bilyk. We met two years ago. The yunk instructed me to reach out to her, give assistance with her work. I became her regular contact, but then…” Mei pulled her hand away and put her face in her hands, sobbing. Michelle moved closer and put her hand on Mei’s back.

“And?” Michelle prompted.

Mei looked up, sniffling. “We fell in love. We talked all the time, soon more about us than about work and the yunk. But we were both afraid to tell anyone. You can see why. I wasn’t sure what the yunk would think. It was a lot of work hiding it. I wasn’t sure I was successful. Maybe I wasn’t. I still didn’t know.”

Many things fell into place with Mei’s admission, which Michelle assessed as being honest and complete. Why Michelle sensed she was withholding, even without the advantage of meshing; why the yunk assigned her to assist Michelle; perhaps why also the yunk wanted Bina back so badly. On a hunch, she pursued that.

“You said you knew Bina from meshing, through the collective. How well did you guys know each other? Is that why the yunk put you in touch with me?”

Mei sniffed and looked thoughtful, brow furrowed. “I don’t know. Everyone knows Bina, she was such a phenomenon. She’s a rock star. But she and I didn’t ever talk separate from the collective. You guys were always on the run. Besides, she was just a kid. Even though she was so good at being a Voice, we could all see she was so much younger. Maybe if we’d kept in touch, been able to meet…”

The thought of Mei and Bina as friends, a normal relationship with a peer with similar interests, gave Michelle a pang of guilt. Bina’s anger during that last fight flashed into memory and Michelle felt again the crushing responsibility and impossible contradictions of keeping her safe and happy.

There was something else, though, she could feel from Mei. “Anything else? Why you and me and Bina? What do you think the yunk was doing?”

Mei looked at her and Michelle immediately saw there was something else, something Mei still held back. Michelle saw the emotions play across Mei’s features – evasion, doubt, guilt, calculation, decision, resignation. She looked down and sighed.

“When we meshed, on a few occasions, I saw, sensed, Adam and Bina doing something that kept her apart from the rest of us. I think he was protecting her, but I couldn’t see how he was doing it. For some reason, the others didn’t pick it up. But once I saw it, I paid closer attention. I think he detected my interest, because then he somehow blocked me off, but then I knew it was possible.  It is that separation, that walling off, that the yunk is so concerned about. Adam is the cause, and maybe Bina is the solution.”

Michelle nodded, encouraging her to continue.

“That was how I hid Sahar from the yunk. Hid our relationship. Or at least I think I did.” Mei shook her head. “Who knows, maybe the yunk doesn’t care, and I was just fooling myself.” Mei began crying again. “When you put that gun to her head, I realized how stupid we’d been, trying to hide. We should have just told everyone. If you had killed her…” She covered her face and bent over.

Michelle moved closer and put her arm around Mei, silently holding her close. She made no pretense of denying that she would have killed Sahar, because honestly, she didn’t know what she would have done had the situation gone wrong. How do you tell someone you wouldn’t do whatever necessary to protect your daughter?

Mei leaned into Michelle and her sobbing quieted. The MP at the door glanced at them and looked away.

Hearing Mei speak of Bina like a celebrity filled her with the familiar mix of pride and foreboding, but then it gradually dawned on Michelle that Mei’s life could be Bina’s – the relationships, moving in the wider world with a mission and sense of purpose, an independent adult life. She hadn’t dwelled on it before, but would keeping themselves cut off preclude Bina ever having friends, lovers? Would they ever have a life other than with each other?

I need to ask Bina what she wants. Why haven’t we had that conversation?  Maybe we can figure out a way to have her spend some time with Adam, now that I know where he is. We could move closer, or maybe Bina could visit. When this is over.

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